The Ladies from Valhalla
by 1ForSorrow2ForJoy
Summary: This was a Transformers G1 commission done for Valong over on DA. It's follows what happens when a grouchy Starscream gets taken out by Skywarp and a reluctant Thundercracker for a night out and the events that unfold when they come across three gorgeous robotic femmes from another planet. But the ladies have more than dancing on their minds...


The Ladies from Valhalla  
FanFiction rating: M 16+

"This place never fails to pull in a crowd," Skywarp declared as he made his way past the other guests in his favourite drinking establishment, occasionally allowing his hands to linger slightly too long on a femmes waist as he eased himself by.  
Thundercracker followed, using the path already made by his comrade, "you're telling me," he called to the purple mech, flinching as his hand accidentally brushed a femme's aft. Trying to proceed unnoticed was asking too much as the femme turned around and winked at him. His face flushed a bright shade of crimson.  
Thundercracker stood frozen on the spot, biting on his lower lip, contemplating his next move but luckily Skywarp had come back for him.  
"Come on, the drinks will be warm by the time we get there," he grabbed Thundercracker by the shoulders and pulled him back onto the open path heading towards the bar.  
Thundercracker almost thanked Skywarp for reliving him of the awkward encounter, but he figured it would save some hassle if he kept his gratitude silent by buying the first round of drinks.  
"Isn't Starscream coming?" Thundercracker asked as he waved his hand at the mech bar tender to grab his attention.  
"I thought he was behind us," Skywarp turned around and leaned the small of his back against the bar, folding his arms across his chest as he surveyed the room. A femme walked up to his side to order drinks and, without hesitation, Skywarp leaned into her, "hey," he said in his best husky voice.  
"Not tonight fly-boy," the femme replied rather exhaustedly with a polite smile as she tried not to make optic-contact with Skywarp.  
Skywarp let his optics linger on the femmes green cocktail, a beautiful contrast to her blue armour, "have a few more of those and I'll be back," he winked again.  
The femme giggled, "you're cute," she added before raising the cocktail to her lips and walking away, deliberately swaying her hips to give Skywarp a show.  
Skywarp watched until the femme merged with the crowd, she was beautiful, but he didn't have the patience to try his luck with a femme playing hard-to-get, tonight was supposed to be about good easy fun in honour of their third comrade and leader; Starscream.  
"Here," Thundercracker was holding a drink out to Skywarp.  
"Thanks," Skywarp took a heavy gulp, "so where iis/i Mr Buzz-kill?"  
"Maybe he ditched us," Thundercracker shrugged, shaking his helm and having a large sip of his own drink.  
"I don't think we'll be that lucky," Skywarp nodded into the crowd were a cranky looking red and white mech was attempting to make his way to the bar.  
Thundercracker cocked an optic-ridge and watched as Starscream almost stumbled over his own feet, "well he doesn't look any happier…" Thundercracker shared his concern, "maybe this was a bad idea."  
"Looks can be deceiving," Skywarp smiled as he took Thundercrackers drink away from him and offered it to Starscream.  
Thundercracker went to protest as his drink was snatched away; "hey, that was…"  
"It's your round anyway, just buy another," Skywarp hissed while still holding the drink out at arm's length as he waited for Starscream to take it, "hey Screamer, I got a special drink, just for you." Skywarp smiled falsely.  
"I thought you said you were taking me somewhere inice/i?" Starscream snarled as he snatched the drink from the purple mech.  
"What?" Skywarp gasped in mock surprise, "what could be nicer than being in a bar surrounded by femmes begging to take you home, hmm?" Skywarp grinned back at Starscream who refused to soften his glare.  
Thundercracker re-joined them with his beverage, promising not to let this one go, "glad you caught up," Thundercracker nodded, raising his glass in Starscreams direction.  
"I'm regretting it…" Starscream murmured into his own glass before taking a sip.  
"For the love of Primus, lighten up already," Skywarp's optic ridge to furrowed in slight annoyance.  
Starscream looked as though he were about to hit Skywarp, but the purple mech continued to speak, "you're not the first one to be given a hard time by Megatron, stop acting like a child…" Skywarp finished his drink and approached the bar to order another round, despite the other two not being close to finishing their first.  
Starscreams optic twitched, "I didn't want to come here in the first place," he groaned.  
Skywarp raised his voice, "great, then go home and it makes my round cheaper," the purple mech raised a finger to the bar-tender to grab his attention, ordering only two drinks, one for himself and one for Thundercracker. Turning around, he smiled back at Starscream's sulking expression, "still here I see?" cocking his head to the side, he grabbed the bar-tenders attention again and discretely ordered a third drink for Starscream.  
"Come on guys, let's try to have a good time, we've all had a stressful day," Thundercracker could see that Starscream was not finding the amusement in Skywarp's so called 'light-hearted' mocking.  
"I will have a good time as soon as Starscream has something inice/i to say," Skywarp smiled, "it could take all night but I don't mind, so long as he's buying the drinks, ha!"  
Starscream frowned again, this time letting his shoulders droop with discontent.  
Skywarp felt a pang of guilt seeing his comrade so disheartened, "oh come on, don't go soft on us…" Skywarp opened his arms out in a friendly gesture, inviting Starscream to speak up and release the burden from his shoulders.  
"You have no idea what I go through working so closely to that brute!" Starscream growled.  
"Look on the bright side…" Thundercracker was about to say something along the lines of good pay and holiday, but Skywarp interrupted.  
"Yeah, the bright side is at least you don't have iour/i boss," Skywarp nudged Thundercracker's side, although Starscream once again failed to see the humour.  
"You think iI'm/i a tough boss, well just you wait! I could be much crueller!" Starscream hissed, slamming his glass on the bar, luring the attention of the crowd near-by.  
"Now, now fellas, calm down…" Tundercracker rubbed the back of his own helm in slight embarrassment.  
Skywarp snarled, "tell that to him," he refused to empathise with Starscream.  
"Is everything okay?" The bar-mech leaned over the bar, directing his question at Thundercracker, but once again his louder comrade took-over.  
"Yeah everything is fine, he just needs another drink," Skywarp replied, nodding at Starscream. "Tell you what…" Skywarp leaned in closer to the bar-mech, "I want you to set up a tab, in my name, for me and my comrades," the bar mech nodded.  
Thundercracker and Starscream exchanged a glance, curious as to why Skywarp was being so generous all of a sudden.  
Skywarp was happily filling out the billing details when a red and black femme caught the corner of his optic. Turning around; it was no wonder she had grabbed his attention, she looked so exotic with her red and black squares of armour dotted neatly around her chest and dispersing over her shapely aft with the occasional flecks of green drawing attention to certain alluring areas of her anatomy.  
The bar-mech returned and asked Skywarp to sign the tab documents.  
"Here you go, sir," he said, handing over the data-pad and pen.  
"Would it be possible…" Skywarp didn't take his optics off the red and black femme beside him, "to add this pretty-little-thing's drink to the same bill?"  
The femme heard what had been said and looked up at Skywarp with wide green optics, but her shocked expression soon turned into the same cocky grin Skywarp was sporting.  
The bar-mech nodded and waited for the femme's order.  
"That'll be ithree/i cocktails please," the femme raised her optic ridge at Skywarp who also looked set-back upon hearing the larger drinks order.  
"Heavy drinker?" he asked as the bar-mech set the red fizzy cocktails down on the bar one by one. Skywarp was also blissfully unaware that he had been blanking his comrades.  
"They're not all for me, I'm here with my friends, we noticed you three walk in," the femme playfully bit a straw between her teeth while Skywarp watched her thin red lips in a trance.  
"Oh, really?" Skywarp rested his elbow on the bar, leaning in closer to try and stop his optics straying back down to her aft.  
The black and red femme looked over the purple mechs shoulder and saw the other two mechs he had walked in with, both of them watching curiously.  
"You can iall/i come and join us," she said, trailing a digit down Skywarp's chest.  
"Do I ihave/i to share?" he groaned, his smile growing broader.  
"I will let you three decide," she winked, cupping the three drinks steadily in her hands, "we're in one of the side booths," she leaned in closer to Skywarps audio-receiver, "thanks for the drinks handsome," she whispered before turning gracefully on her heel and swaying away.  
Skywarp was watching her leave, still leaning on the bar with half-closed optics and a broad grin.  
"Urm, hello?" Thundercracker knocked Skywarp out of his trance by hitting him lightly on the shoulder, "what are you doing?"  
Skywarp turned, but he looked at Starscream to respond, "I'm looking for a good time. What are you two doing?" Grinning, he went to follow after the femme, but Starscream's loud and purposeful laugh stopped him.  
"Ha! You fragging idiot," Starscream smiled for the first time this evening, suddenly forgetting his bad mood.  
"What? You looking for a mech instead?" Skywarp mocked.  
"She's from Valhalla," Starscream cocked and optic-ridge, knowing that his simple-minded comrade wouldn't understand its significance.  
Skywarp raised an optic ridge, "so? Those girls are wild in the berth," he shrugged, trying to work out why Starscream was so against their company.  
"So," Starscream took another gulp of his drink and approached the purple mech, "they're not ionly/ihere looking for a mech to take home, they're looking for a chance to make some money."  
Skywarp frowned, "what are you talking about?"  
"Valhalla is a world big on gambling, that femme, and no doubt her friends as well, are looking for a gullible mech, such as yourself, to swindle in a game or cards."  
Skywarp didn't contemplate the fact that Starscream could be wrong, instead he thought it would be best to humour his bad mood, "well, we had better not loose then." Skywarp smiled and scanned the side-booths to find out where his black and crimson goddess had gone.  
"Fool," Starscream hissed, his temper returning.  
"It could be fun," Thundercracker shrugged.  
"Fine, then iyou/i go."  
Thundercracker downed his drink and picked up the other one that was waiting on the bar for him, "maybe I will," he nodded at Starscream before following after his purple friend, with no idea where this sudden burst of confidence had come from.  
Starscream was left alone at the bar, but unfortunately this only allowed his frustration to brew into boredom. Eventually he downed his drink and ordered another, courtesy of Skywarps tab, before reluctantly following his two comrades.

Starscream eventually found the table after having to manoeuvre himself through the crowd of clumsy dancing bodies yet again. Skywarp had nestled himself comfortably between the black and red femme he had seen at the bar and another smaller black femme with large a large filled out chest and hips with white dots sprawled randomly over her armour. Thundercracker had perched himself on the outside of the booth next to the black and white dotty femme.  
As he approached, Starscream could make out the golden details on the back of the third femmes helm, looking into the overcrowded booth for a place to rest his suddenly weary legs.  
"Oh, here he is! Told you he wouldn't take long," Skywarp jested, waving a hand in Starscreams direction, grabbing the golden femmes attention as she lazily looked over her shoulder with the slightest hint of an amused smile. Starscream watched as her red optics surveyed him from head to toe before she shifted along to grant him the space to sit near her.  
"You must be the gentle-mech who bought our drinks," the golden femme spoke with a sophisticated voice and her armour colours could only be described as majestic. The gold cased her large chest, travelling down to a softer red material that was stretched from below her chest to her hips where the gold armour fanned out again, detailed with red stripes.  
Starscream was set back momentarily by how beautiful all the femmes looked, but he didn't feel the pride wash over him as he sat down, his foul mood was still soaking up all of his enthusiasm.  
"Actually it was ime/i that brought your drinks ladies," Skywarp winked.  
The black and red femme squealed with laughter, bringing her hand up to play with a small green gem on the side of her helm.  
Starscream failed to see the joke.  
The black and white dotty femme leaned towards Skywarp, "aren't you going to introduce us?" her plump lips remaining in a natural pout the whole time she spoke.  
Skywarp hurried to swallow his drink, almost spraying it across the table, much to the golden femmes disapproval, "oh, how rude of me," Skywarp choked, making the black and red femme giggle again.  
"Ladies," Skywarp first pointed to Thundercracker, "this is my dear friend and comrade; Thundercracker," Thundercracker smiled and felt his face heat up, oblivious to the black and white femme inching closer. "And this," Skywarp nodded to Starscream, "is Starscream."  
Starscream didn't fail to notice the lack of the word 'friend' in his introduction, no doubt another deliberate attempt to sour his mood.  
The femmes were all silent until the black and red femme, now on Skywarps lap, started to laugh.  
"What's so funny?" Skywarp smiled, spilling some of his drink on the table as he tried to steady the hysterical femme.  
"You forgot one," she giggled.  
"Oh," Skywarp paused, "who?"  
"You!" the black and red femme squealed, making Starscrema wince.  
"Oh!" Skywarp sounded embarrassed before he covered up his moment of drunken stupidity with a clever answer, "I saved the best introduction for last."  
"He's a pain in the aft," Starscream hissed, feeling humiliated that he was being associated with this intoxicated mess of a so-called i'friend'/i.  
Skywarp ignored Starscreams comment, as did the femmes, "Skywarp," he replied, trying to sound sober.  
"What can we call you ladies?" Thundercracker leaned into the table with polite, genuine interest.  
"Oh! This one's a charmer," the black and white dotted femme said, following her statement with a broad grin. "Are you feeling lucky?" she turned to Thundercracker and pursed her plump lips.  
"I'm sorry?" Thundercracker's face flushed, wondering why she would ask such a question.  
"I said… i'Are you feeling lucky?'/i"  
"Well… I… urm…" Thundercracker stuttered, furrowing his optic ridge, finally mastering a weak response; "should I be?" his face was turning pink.  
"That's my name," the black and white femme lowered her voice; "and if all goes well you're coming home with me tonight," she spoke with confidence, almost as though she were making a demand, narrowing her white optics as Thundercracker's cheeks turned an alarming shade of red.  
"My names 'Lucky', Lucky Seven to be precise," the black and white femme clarified, enjoying the discomfort of Thundercracker as he squirmed with embarrassment.  
"And what's your name gorgeous?" Skywarp leaned closer to the black and red femme on his lap.  
"Roulette," she giggled, "'Rue, for short," she traced a digit over Skywarps shoulders.  
The gold and red femme watched as her two friends where basking in the attention of the other two mechs, watching Starscream out the corner of her optic and feeling desperately left out.  
"My name's Queeny, if anyone cares," she announced, placing her hands on the table so she could survey her nails for dirt and imperfections.  
Starscream snorted.  
"What?" Queeny snapped, not ignoring Starscreams gesture.  
"Nothing," Starscream purred, accompanied by his scowl.  
"You ireally/i are a kill-joy," Queeny stated, folding her arms across her large chest.  
"Who told you that?" Starscream snapped, finally turning to look at her.  
"You're intoxicated friend there, trying his luck on the Roulette table," Queeny smirked, nodding towards Skywarp and Roulette who were already busy whispering to one another while their hands wandered over the others armour.  
"A table many have played on before, I'm sure," Starscream scowled again.  
"What?" Roulette snapped her attention away from the purple mech who had been nuzzling her neck and scowled at Starscream.  
"How rude," Queeny said, hoisting her nose into the air and turning away from the sour red and white mech.  
Lucky snorted at Starscream's behaviour, " you didn't learn your good manners from ihim/i then," she placed a hand on Thundercrackers thigh, making him shift uncomfortably.  
"I bet he doesn't even know how to have fun," Roulette sighed, almost showing pity towards Starscream.  
"I'm just not in the mood tonight, pretend I'm not here," Starscream mumbled.  
"No problem!" Skywarp rose his glass to Starscream, "finally, let's have some fun," Skywarp took a sip of his drink and searched his processor for an activity to keep the femmes happy for the evening, and to keep their minds away from gambling.  
"Have you ladies ever played a game called; 'never have I ever'?" Skywarp grinned, a drinking game was perfect to ease Thundercrackers nerves and hopefully lighten up Starscreams bad mood at the same time as keep the ladies interested.  
"'Never have I ever'… is it a card game?" Queeny's optics lit up as the other two femmes listened intently.  
"No, no, no…" Skywarp shook his helm nervously, "it's a drinking game I picked up on Earth. Basically we take it in turns to say something like; 'never have I ever… played never have I ever'. Then everyone who ihas/i played, takes a drink."  
"Okay, I think I get it!" Roulette said excitedly, "erm… Never have I ever crawled out of a bar!" Roulette then took a hasty sip.  
Skywarp chuckled and took a sip himself, "you've almost got it, but you're supposed to say things that you ihaven't/i done."  
"Okay," Roulette giggled again, showing her pearly white teeth as her lips parted.  
"Come on boys, answer honestly," Skywarp urged both Starscream and Thundercracker to take a drink.  
Thundercracker's face was still flushing a hint of pink as he slowly took a sip. Starscream had often been the one to carry his trine-mate out of a bar, so he wasn't guilty of ever having to crawl.  
Queeny looked to Starscream as he refused to take a drink, "you have isome/i class then."  
Starscream sat up straight, "I have more iclass/i than you have manners at least!"  
"More sass you mean," Queeny rolled her optics.  
"This game is stupid," Starscream hissed.  
"Never have I ever," Lucky spoke up unexpectedly, still caressing Thundercracker's thigh with both hands, "done the walk of shame," she spoke slowly, her natural black pout glimmering in the lights of the club.  
Queeny smiled, as did Roulette, both of them taking a drink, none of the mechs were shocked to learn this knowledge.  
A bar-maid brought another round of drinks to the table.  
Thundercracker took a sip of his new drink, "on my tab," he winked at the bar maid. "Come on guys, we've all done it too," Skywarp waited while Thundercracker tilted his helm in shame and took a sip of his drink and admitting to the deed. Only Starscream was still left to take a drink, both Skywarp and Thundercracker knew he was guilty of the walk of shame.  
"Come on, honey, surely tonight won't be your first time?" Queeny nudged Starscream playfully.  
Starscream angrily took a drink, slamming his glass back on the table, "I iwon't/i be doing it tonight because there is inobody/i worth going home with," Starscream hissed back at Queeny.  
"You're not the only one who thinks that, darling," Queeny hissed back, narrowing her optics.  
"Get a room you two," Skywarp shrugged, attempting to lighten the mood again and forget about how frustrated Starscream was making him tonight.  
"Never have I ever answered the door in my under-armour," Queeny joined in the game in an attempt to show Starscream he hadn't soured her good mood.  
"Good one," Roulette giggled, but not taking a sip herself.  
Lucky shook her head in honest denial.  
"On my bucket-list," Skywarp smirked, watching with slight admiration as Thundercracker took a drink.  
"Please, don't ask," the blue mech shook his helm in shame and sank down in his chair.  
"Alright," Skywarp sat forwards again, "Never have I ever played strip-poker," he cocked an optic-ridge, "drink up ladies, we all know where you're from," he winked at Queeny who shamefully took a sip.  
Lucky took a large and un-ladylike gulp, "how did you know?"  
"We're well travelled, and we know how much you love to gamble on Valhalla, I'm guessing strip-poker is a common occurrence there?"  
"Shamefully; yes, it is," Queeny nodded with a smile, abruptly turning to face Starscream, "so let's find out some of iyour/i guilty pleasures."  
Starscream looked straight back at her with a glare, "go ahead, I will hold my virtues up against yours any day,"  
"Boys?" Queeny looked back and forth from Thundercracker and Skywarp for a question to bring out Starscreams true colours.  
Skywarp, a little annoyed that Starscreams bad attitude was getting all of the attention, leaned forwards reluctantly. "Never have I ever," he sighed, "been behind bars."  
Starscream pouted and took a drink, remembering a time in history when he had been in jail thanks to Megatron. It was hardly the proudest moment of his existence.  
Queeny was hoping for a question with a little more dirt, but still; at least it was a reaction.  
Roulette noticed the disappointment on Queenys features, "never have I ever been treated like a Queen," she asked, knowing Queeny would drink and think back to fond moments on Valhalla where the mechs would treat her like she owned each casino they walked in.  
Queeny smiled, "Thanks, Rue."  
Roulette winked back.  
"Come on T.C, speak up," Skywarp nodded at his twin who had almost successfully managed to conceal himself under the table to avoid attention.  
Thundercracker shuffled in his seat, "never have I ever…" his optics locked onto Lucky's and his mouth went dry, "broken someone's heart?"  
"Look at me!" Skywarp bellowed, "of course I'm a heart-breaker!" the purple mech downed his drink in one.  
Queeny raised her optic ridge and looked towards Roulette and Lucky, "ladies," she said, raising her glass.  
Lucky raised her glass, "look out boys, we're heart-breakers too."  
Roulette didn't wait to raise her glass, she went straight in and took a hearty gulp, "we'll love ya and leave ya," she said with pride.  
"Thanks for the warning," Skywarp said with an amused smile, dismissing their claim, he shot a look to Starscream, pushing him to ask the next question.  
Starscream sighed heavily and, rather cockily, he said, "never have I ever done something I regret."  
Everyone exchanged bewildered glance and all took a sip from their drinks, apart from Starscream.  
Lucky rolled her optics, "everyone has done something, or isomeone/i they regret, sweetie…"  
"Don't go there," Skywarp took another drink to emphasise his point, "he thinks the sun shines out of his aft, nothing he does is a mistake…"  
Queeny let out a sudden bark of laughter, "that's the most arrogant thing I have ever heard."  
Starscream snorted, "you obviously haven't heard yourself speak."  
Queeny brought a hand up and slapped Starscream harshly on the shoulder, shocking him for a moment before he turned and faced the gold and red femme and began trailing off into one of his rants about how he should be treated with respect being second in command of an entire army.

There was a long pause in the game where Starscream and Queeny started throwing half-hearted insults back and forth while Thundercracker and Lucky were busy laughing at the spectacle. Roulette saw her glass was empty and there wasn't a spare cocktail on the table so she took it upon herself to order the next round. Standing up, she waved over a pink femme carrying a tray of empty glasses.  
The pink waitress slowly made her way round, weaving past the tables and crowds and finally making it to their table. Before taking the drinks order, she busied herself clearing the many empty glasses. Roulette went to order three more cocktails but she noticed how the pink femme grabbed the attention of Thundercracker as she swept her arm across the table, his jaw dropped as his optics followed the arm up to the femmes shoulder.  
The pink femme winked back as Thundercracker's optics met her face.  
"Can I get you anything, sweetie?" she smiled in a way that matched her voice; young and cute.  
"N… No." Thundercracker stuttered, snapping his helm away, "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."  
The pink femme shrugged and strolled away, leaving some of the empty glasses on the table and forgetting to take the drinks order.  
Roulette chuckled to herself, suddenly losing control of her ability to think before speaking.  
"Never have I ever…" she slurred, her loud voice grabbing everyone's attention.  
"Oh babe, I love this game," Skywarp grabbed Roulettes waist, pleased to see she was enjoying herself.  
"Go on, Roulette," Queeny smirked, glancing briefly in Starscreams direction, praying it would bring some of his secrets to the surface.  
"Never have I ever…" Roulette repeated, "slept with a pink femme?" Roulette looked directly at Thundercracker before falling back into the seat and giggling.  
Thundercracker realised she must have noticed his encounter with the waitress, he looked in Lucky's direction feeling oddly guilty, but to his surprise, he wasn't the first to raise his glass.  
The femmes all looked to Starscream who had brought his drink to his lips, a sly and hooded smile hidden behind his glass.  
"You just got a lot more attractive," Queeny nudged her shoulder against him.  
"Apparently I'm not the only one," Starscream snapped, shooting a glare in Thundercrackers direction.  
Thundercracker slowly lowered his drink.  
"Woah," Skywarp jeered, looping an arm around Roulettes waist.  
"You?" Starscream nodded at Thundercracker.  
"Yeah," Thundercracker shrugged, his face burning from embarrassment.  
"Who?" Starscream snapped.  
"Who cares?" Thundercracker growled back, still feeling Lucky's hands groping his thigh.  
"I do!" Skywarp cut into their argument, eager to find out who the pink femmes had been.  
"Autobot or Decepticon?" Starscream lowered his optic ridge back to a frown.  
Thundercracker kept a straight face, knowing that Starscream had also spent quality time with the Autobot femme known as Arcee.  
The girls watched in raw anticipation for what the next reaction was going to be, Roulette was secretly hoping for a brawl to break out.  
"I always knew your favourite colour was pink, TC," Skywarp jested, trying to ease the tension.  
Thundercracker swallowed, wanting Starscream to direct his glare back to the floor and away from him, and he knew the way to do it; "never have I ever," he began, now looking directly at Skywarp, "slept with a igreen/i Autobot femme." Now it was Thundercracker's turn to watch the madness unfold.  
"Frag," Skywarp hissed, downing his entire drink while he recalled his encounter with Moonracer "how the frag did you know?"  
Roulette screamed with delight at Skywarp's reaction while Lucky and Queeny chuckled to themselves.  
"You talk in your sleep when you're on auto-pilot," Thundercracker replied calmly.  
Starscream's gaze had finally drifted from Thundercracker and he was now back to wallowing in his own self-pity.  
Skywarp caught another bar maid as she walked past the table.  
"Another three rounds sweet-spark, we're gonna need 'em," Skywarp held back a drunken burp, hiding it behind a closed fist as he shook off the head-rush after downing his drink so suddenly.  
Everyone waited for the next round of drinks to arrive and Thundercracker was doing an excellent job of avoiding optic-contact with Starscream, that night with Arcee had been a one-off and he couldn't even remember how it had happened. Starscream liked to keep his personal life separate from his work life and Thundercracker was certain that included not sharing his one-night-stands with co-workers.  
"Never have I ever had a threesome," Skywarp said with slight disappointment.  
Roulette and Lucky both drank, but nobody had the chance to ask if they had both been involved with the same one as Roulette immediately questioned Skywarp.  
"iYou haven't?/i" she squeaked, wiping the remnants of her drink from her lips.  
"It's also on my bucket list," Skywarp winked, "maybe I can cross it off tonight if two of you ladies are up for it?" he winked again, this time it was aimed at Lucky.  
Roulette shook her helm and exchanged an unreadable glance with Queeny.  
Lucky smiled, eager to get back into the game, "never have I ever gotten a tattoo," her lips refusing to lose any of their fullness as she spoke.  
Skywarp smiled, watching as Roulette shuffled closer to him and caressed his arm with the tribal tattoo that was carefully inked into his armour. "There's more where that came from, babe," Skywarp winked, noticing he was the only one to drink to that question.  
"Where?" Thundercracker argued, frowning sceptically.  
"Where what?" Skywarp slurred, already forgetting the topic of conversation.  
"Where is this so-called iother tattoo/i?"  
"Oh, heh, down below," Skywarp smirked.  
"Not to sound funny, but I have never seen a tattoo on your aft."  
"Pervert," Skywarp shot back.  
"We have to share a shower room at work, all I'm saying is that I would have noticed a tattoo on your aft…"  
Starscream grunted, noticing how Thundercrackers language was altering and becoming more foul as he too threw back the drinks in an attempt to gain confidence with the ladies.  
"I never said it was on my i aft/i, did I?" Skywarp finished off a cocktail and decided to pick up drink that Starscream hadn't yet started on.  
"Where is it?" Roulette asked, biting her bottom lip and smiling, wrapping her arms around Skywarps neck again.  
"It's on little-Warpy, although he's really not all that little…"  
"I don't believe you!" Roulette squealed.  
"Believe me, he's really not little…" Skywarp answered, misunderstanding Roulettes protest.  
"You idiot, she means she doesn't believe you've got a tattoo on your cock!" Thundercracker barked, finishing his statement by sinking back into his seat.  
"Oh," Skywarp replied, standing up and swaying back and forth as the high-grade cocktails rushed to his processor, "I will show you," Skywarp lowered his hands to his cod-piece and began tugging at the clip, but his fingers were too clumsy to grip the clasp, "frag,"  
The ladies were all laughing, assuming he was doing it for show.  
"Sit down," Starscream hissed, grabbing hold of Skywarps arm and pulling his servo away from his cod-piece.  
"You know you wanna see it," Skywarp smiled, using his free servo to try and remove his only means of dignity.  
"Uh-oh," Thundercracker suddenly realised his purple twin was deadly serious about whipping his anatomy out in the bar. Slowly he lowered his drink and stood up to hold Skywarps other arm back, but he was too late, he heard the clip snap on the cod-piece and the cup began to fall open.  
The girls all screamed, drawing the attention of near-by dancers and drinkers who stopped to watch the spectacle.  
Without thinking, Thundercracker whipped his hand down, holding Skywarps cod-piece in place. Roulette had fallen on the floor laughing, unable to get up as she watched what appeared to be Thundercracker groping his trine-mate.  
"I told you you were a pervert!" Skywarp slurred, trying to fight back against Starscream and Thundercracker.  
Thundercracker watched as passers-by gave them a mixture of entertained and disapproving looks, "for Primus' sake Starscream, help me get this thing back on," Thundercracker was still restraining Skywarps other arm at the same time as holding his cod-piece in place.  
"Fine," Starscream snapped, reluctantly lowering his free servo to Skywarps cod-piece and attempting to find the clip to hook him back together.  
Skywarp saw Starscream lower his hand, "told you Starscream wanted to see my cock!" Skywarp laughed, failing to see the mortified looks on his co-workers faces.  
Lucky was turning a dark shade of crimson as she watched the unbelievable display of three mechs fumbling around over their table.  
Queeny laughed, "never have I ever groped a mech!" she shouted, "even iyou/i have to drink now, Starscream!"  
Lucky laughed and raised her glass to Queeny and moved her lips silently mouthing the word; i'touché'/i.  
"Good one, Queeny!" Roulette called from below the table, apparently too intoxicated to find her feet.

Starscream and Thundercracker had been so focused on trying to put their drunken comrade's cod-piece back together that they hadn't noticed the large grey mech approach the table.  
"You boys have got your priorities all wrong," Megatron breathed.  
Thundercracker and Starscream stopped in place, still restraining Skywarp and holding his cod-piece in place, slowly turning their helms to where the familiar and daunting voice had come from.  
Megatron was standing in front of their table, towering over them with a half-smile, at his sides were Shockwave and Soundwave, also watching on with amused smiles.  
"Sire?" Thundercracker asked, not understanding Megatrons statement.  
"You're surrounded by beautiful femmes, and yet you still chose to grope one-another… I will never understand you."  
"Er…" before Thundercracker could respond, Starscream interrupted.  
"There, now sit down!" he shoved Skywarp backwards into the booth.  
Thundercracker noticed Skywarp's cod-piece didn't fall off, which must have meant that Starscream had succeeded in reattaching it.  
Starscream lowered his aft into the chair, but before he could get comfortable, Megatron put a hand on his shoulder.  
"Do you mind, Starscream?" Megatrons optics strayed from Starscream and onto the red and gold femme beside his second in command.  
Starscream took the hint and, without hesitation, rose to his feet.  
Soundwave and Shockwave sat in the booth behind, but turned so they could still be part of Megatrons circle.  
"So, what have you ladies been doing this evening?" Megatron took the hint that Thundercracker had surprisingly cozied up to the black and white femme when he saw the way she was clasping hold of his thigh, the second femme on the floor was perhaps too intoxicated to have a clue what was going on, so he took an immediate liking to the gold and red femme who had been sat beside Starscream.  
"We have been playing 'never have I ever' and I believe it was imy/i turn," Queeny answered, fluttering her lashes as Megatron gently placed a kiss on the knuckles of her hand.  
"Don't let me stop you," Megatron purred.  
Queeny welcomed the attention, after being given the cold shoulder by Starscream all night, Megatron seemed quite the gentle-mech.  
"Never have I ever had sex on the job," Queeny bit her bottom lip, not breaking optic-contact with her new companion.  
Megatron took a large sip of his beer making Queeny flush, "I'm always on the job, my dear," Meagatron stated.  
"How wonderful that you still find time for life's little-pleasures," Queeny used her best seductive tone, leaning in and pushing her chest out towards Megatron.  
"This game can be rather amusing, but I get the feeling you ladies would prefer a challenge this evening," Megatron raised an optic ridge, nodding at Soundwave who opened his cassette chest.  
"You have my attention," Queeny fluttered her lashes again.  
Soundwave handed Megatron a pack of cards and Queenys optics dilated.  
Lucky noticed the deck of cards too and took her hands off Thundercracker for the first time this-evening, pressing them firmly to the table in anticipation. Thundercracker rubbed his leg where her nails had been starting to puncture him, mildly grateful for the distraction.  
"Count me in," Roulette shouted, suddenly feeling sober enough to find her feet as she stumbled from the floor and onto the seat.  
"Ladies, Soundwave and Shockwave, make yourselves comfortable," Megatron grinned back at Roulette and Lucky before sourly adding; "the rest of you can clear off."  
Thundercracker looked astonished for a moment before accepting the unofficial orders and leaving the table, only to make room for Soundwave.  
Shockwave pulled Skywarp out from the booth, having to drag him over the table with little effort and he inched in next to Soundwave.  
Roulette, Lucky and Queeny sat in the middle, with Megatron on one side and his two officers on the other, temporarily forgetting about the presence of their former drinking buddies.  
Thundercracker was holding up Skywarp as he looked back at the table over his shoulder, his optics lingering on Lucky who was expertly shuffling cards with the same warm hands he had felt on his thigh, suddenly wishing he had been allowed to stay. Just before Thundercracker accepted defeat he heard Queenys husky voice travel as she leaned into Megatron's helm.  
"We iare/i playing for money, right?" the red and gold femme bit her bottom lip, pressing her large chest against Megatrons arm.  
Thundercracker slumped drunken Skywarp into an empty booth nearby before casually wandering back to catch the conversation.  
Megatron thought before answering, it hadn't been his intention to play for money, but why not? He had come out this evening with enough money to fuel him and his officers for a night on the town, what would be the harm in possibly leaving with more than he came with? Of course he didn't intend to completely swindle the femmes, they had had a few cocktails and were perhaps not in the right frame of mind to be accepting a challenge, but he would be a good sport and buy them a few drinks while they were here.  
"Of course ladies, if that's what you desire," Megatron looped his arm around Queeny's waist and grinned back to the other femmes who were sandwiched between himself and his other two officers. Soundwave and Shockwave nodded back and took out their wallets.  
Roulette reached into her purse that had fallen to the floor, "alright now we can have some ireal/i fun," already forgetting about Skywarp.  
Megatron watched as the black and red femme pulled out three high-priced notes, his optic ridge rose suddenly, "I wouldn't flash that sort of cash in this place, my dear…" he whispered politely, checking to see if anyone else had noticed.  
"What?" Roulette furrowed her optic ridge, "this is just for the first hand," she smiled, "it's nothing,"  
Queeny and Lucky also reached into their purses.  
Queeny pulled out several notes and counted them up, "I should be set for five deals, and that's only if I lose every time," she smiled and looked to Lucky who nodded to indicate that she too was set.  
Megatron was dismayed, as were Soundwave and Shockwave who reluctantly counted their own money. Sadly it didn't amount to even half of what the femmes had between them, their optics fell desperately on Megatron.  
"Don't worry boys," Megatron waved a hand nervously, suddenly doubting his own abilities up against the confidence of these ladies.

Thundercracker waited long enough for Lucky to deal the cards out in little time, they appeared to be playing a game called 'Rummy' to begin with. In the centre of the table there was a small pile of money, Thundercracker shook his helm and walked away to let the cards decide Megatron's fate for the evening.  
Returning to the table where he had left Skywarp, he saw Starscream had returned to their company only to scold his purple twin.  
"You fragging idiot!" Starscream hissed, holding Skywarp by the shoulders and shaking him like rag-doll.  
Skywarp's optics came to life, reluctantly, "huh? Wh… Starscream please…" he slurred, folding his arms over the table and letting his helm sink into them. Feeling defeated that he had lost his chance with possibly two gorgeous femmes for the evening and the high-grade cocktails weren't doing his processor any favours.  
"Frag," Starscream kicked Skywarps leg but the purple mech was oblivious , and he started to snore heavily.  
"Give him a break," Thundercracker shrugged, pulling a chair up to the booth and sitting between his two colleagues, "he's been trying to cheer you up all night…"  
Starscream took a heavy gulp of his newly brought drink, once again he made sure it went on the tab in Skywarp's name, "believe it or not, iThundercracker/i…" he always used their full names when he was angry, "…my idea of being 'cheered up' does not involve having to grab his groin! Despite what the arrogant aft-hole thinks," Starscream slumped back with a grimace.  
Thundercracker snickered, "I had almost forgotten about that."  
Starscream's optic ridge shot up in annoyance before falling back into its well suited scowl, "well I'm glad it was enjoyable for you!" Starscream lowered his tone to a mumble, "in front of Megatron too… That brute has even stolen our femmes! I feel so humiliated…"  
"I wouldn't worry about it," Thundercracker grinned, not realising that Starscream took losing the femmes quite personally, "Megatron is going to be the one humiliated by the end of tonight."  
Starscreams interest had now been drawn, "what do you mean?" he sounded hopeful as he leaned in closely to Thundercracker.  
"You said those ladies are like… professional gamblers or something?"  
"Yes, they're from Valhalla, what's that go to do with it?"  
"Well apparently our boss, Megatron, wasn't aware," Thundercracker bobbed his helm backwards, inviting Starscream to look over at the table where the femmes were now playing a profitable card game with Megatron.  
Starscream watched for a moment, seeing Shockwave hesitantly place a card in the centre of the table only to be followed by Lucky slamming down a winning hand. Shockwaves helm sank into his hands as Lucky and Roulette shared a high-five.  
Starscream was finally grinning, "Fools…" he purred.  
Thundercracker sat back, matching his commander's grin "and now, we wait."  
Skywarp stirred from his drunken slumber and grabbed Thundercrackers drink unknowingly, "never have I ever…" he slurred loudly, bringing the glass to his lips and lowering his voice, "got my cock out in public…" Skywarp took a small swallow and slumped his helm back into the comfort of his own arms.  
"You still haven't," Thundercracker laughed, snatching his drink back.  
"There's still time," Skywarp made a movement to stand up but his legs wouldn't allow it, "frag it…" he slurred, leaning back against the wall of the booth with his legs splayed apart and his helm tilted back.  
"That's dignified," Starscream muttered.  
"Shut up," was the only response Skywarp could master before his spinning helm was begging to meet the table again.  
"I think I should get him home." Thundercracker finished his drink, "you coming?" he looked back at his commander who had his optics steadily fixated on each move Megatron made in his card game.  
"I think I will stay," Starscream responded, not daring to turn his helm and miss a single move.  
Thundercracker sighed heavily, "Suit yourself," he said before struggling alone to lift his dead-weight twin onto his shoulders.  
"Where are we going?" Skywarp asked lazily, making a feeble attempt to use his own two feet as Thundercracker dragged him past the crowd, deliberately avoiding the table where the femmes were playing cards.  
"Home," Thundercracker grunted, hoisting Skywarp's arm further around his shoulder.  
"I love you man, but you know I'm not into mechs, right?" Skywarp slurred, his helm drooped and all effort made to walk on his own had been depleted.  
"Urgh, you're a pain in the aft, Skywarp…" Thundercracker looked angrily back at Starscream who was still watching Megatrons table, "I will be back later!"  
Thundercracker stormed through the crowds, dragging his twin as quickly as possible, promising himself never to do another favour like this for Skywarp again.

The hours went by and Starscream was feeling quite merry for the first time this evening, he had taken to having a celebratory shot, still on Skywarp's tab, each time Megatron lost a hand to the ladies.  
Starscream was just trying to catch the eye of a waitress so he could order another round of ten 'flat-liners' when he heard his name being called rather aggressively by Megatron. Turning his woozy helm around to Megatron's table he saw that the grey mech was beckoning him over.  
Starscream rose to his feet, only to stumble down again.  
"Starscream! Don't make me drag you!" Megatron growled, his threat grabbing the attention of near-by dancers that had been left hanging around the club.  
Starscream took a sobering inhale and amazingly got to his feet with little trouble, but he was finding the motion of putting one foot in front of the other very difficult, so it took time before he made it to the table.  
Queeny was looking up at him with a large grin and a purse bursting at the seams with Megatron's money, the grin was making him nervous so he chose to look at Megatron instead, but the look he was getting from his boss wasn't much more settling.  
Starscream stopped himself from swaying, "sire?" pleased that he managed to say it without a slur.  
"Primus, how much have you had to drink?" Megatron snarled, his apparent bad mood only getting worse.  
"I've had a few of those, err…" Starscream looked around, trying to remember the name of the many drinks he had been celebrating with.  
"I don't care," Megatron hissed, "can you still walk?"  
"Of course I can still walk," Starscream hissed back, despite his legs feeling like jelly.  
"Good, you will be walking the ladies home."  
"Why would I do such a thing?" Starscream responded, raising his optic ridge.  
"So rude…" Queeny shook her helm in mock disapproval, "I think I might like that all of a sudden," she grinned back at Lucky and Roulette, Lucky matched her grin and Roulette squealed once more with her signature high-pitched laughter.  
Roulette moved from her seat to kneel on the table, leaning over and grabbing Starscream's arm, "Your boss… Mega… Mega- whatever, ran out of money."  
Starscream's optic ridge furrowed, "what's that got to do with me?" Starscream tried to break free of Roulettes grasp but she only held tighter.  
Queeny rose and grabbed Starscream's other arm, gracefully placing her free hand on his chest, "it has everything to do with you, sweetie," she breathed into his audio-receiver.  
Starscream winced as Roulette's grasp got tighter.  
Lucky rose from the table, shuffling past Soundwave and Shockwave with grace, her pouted black lips seemingly larger and combined with a hooded gaze. "You were so rude to us," her voice had gone up in pitch making her sound younger, and almost icute/i, "we all feel that you owe us…"  
"I owe you nothing, let go, I'm going home," Starscream began to really struggle.  
Megatron shook his helm wearily, "give it a rest, Starscream, I lost iyou/i in my last game."  
Starscream paused and, as he took time to take in what Megatron had just said, the three femmes got more grabby.  
"Stop that!" He hissed as Roulette planted her hand on his aft, "what do you mean?" he looked back at Megatron, suddenly feeling incredibly sober.  
Megatron looked exasperated, "I ran out of money and had nothing else to bet, okay?" he sighed lazily.  
"Okay!?" Starscream screeched, "Actually it is not fragging 'okay'! What gives you the right to…?"  
Megatron stood up, cutting Starscream's sentence short through the power of intimidation.  
"I am your leader, if you don't go home and do exactly as these femmes ask, I swear to Primus your contract is hereby terminated!"  
"But… what… I…" Starscream's mouth had gone dry.  
"Be quiet! You will clean, cook, chauffeur… I don't give a pit, just do as you're told for once!" Megatron slowly sat back down.  
Starscream groaned uncomfortably, terrified to say another word.  
Queeny let go of Starscream and held a hand out to Megatron, "it was a pleasure doing business with you… Or should I say; 'It iwill/i be a pleasure?'" Queeny looked back and winked at Starscream who was being carted away with little effort by Roulette and Lucky.  
Starscream's optics widened when he noticed the wink, curious, confused and afraid of what they had in store for him…  
Megatron reluctantly took hold of Queeny's servo, "don't let us keep you," he growled, he was more furious with the loss of his money than the loss of his second in command for a week. In fact, a week without Starscream could almost make up for his loss in profits.

Thundercracker never returned to the bar, he hadn't even managed to get Skywarp home that evening. He had to resort to leaving his purple twin in a hotel near the club, after paying for a room he left him in a corridor, unable to carry him further. Hopefully Skywarp would wake up and find the key Thundercracker left by his feet and stumble to his room, grateful he hadn't just been dumped on the streets.  
Thundercracker didn't make an effort to contact Skywarp or Starscream over the following couple of days; he had seen enough of them both at the bar. However, as fate would have it, and despite not being invited, Skywarp turned up at Thundercracker's door a few days after the disastrous night out, he was out of breath and sporting a wicked grin that made Tundercracker's tanks curl.  
"What do you want?" Thundercracker groaned, leaving the door open for Skywarp to enter as he made his way back to his desk.  
"You won't believe it," Skywarp began.  
"Well I believe you have a hidden desire to be a mech-stripper," Thundercracker said, using his most matter-of-fact voice.  
"What?" Skywarp shook his helm, clearly not remembering the events that took place last time they were together, "look, just listen…"  
Thundercracker sighed, "I'm listening," giving Skywarp his full attention.  
"That night we were out, somehow I ended up in the hallway of some hotel down the road from the club..."  
"You're welcome, by the way," Thundercracker said dryly.  
Skywarp blinked, "that was iyou/i? Oh, thanks. Anyway, you won't believe who else ended up in that hotel with those three gorgeous Valhalla babes!"  
Thundercracker sighed, "Megatron?"  
"Nope, Starscream."  
"iWhat/i!?" Thundercracker rose to his feet, "you're talking pit!"  
"I saw it with my own optics, Starscream was being dragged into a hotel room by three femmes, opposite the hallway I had been carelessly dumped in."  
Thundercracker was shaking his helm in disbelief, "why?"  
Skywarp shrugged, "no idea, but I got this communication link message from him this morning."  
Skywarp pulled out a small tape player from his utility belt, he hit play and held it out.  
At first the only sound that could be heard was white-noise, but then it kicked in with Starscream's breathless voice; "four days… four days… no sleep… argh, I can't take it!"  
Thundercracker brought his hand to his mouth, "oh Primus, what are they doing to him?"  
The tape carried on and the familiar squeal of Roulette's laugh could be heard in the background, "it's my turn!" then the tape cut out…  
Skywarp and Thundercracker were silent.  
Eventually Thundercracker shook his helm, "I don't know what to say,"  
Skywarp snorted, "lucky slagger, would be a great place to start, don't you think?"  
Thundercracker raised his optic ridge, "four days, Skywarp, ifour days/i, do you honestly think iyou/i could do it?"  
Skywarp shrugged, "I don't know, but I have bad news waiting for him when he gets out…"  
"What?"  
"That tab I started at the club…"  
"Yeah, your tab."  
"Nope… I put it in Starscream's name and gave them his contact details…"  
Thundercracker paused, remembering all the drinks that had been ordered that night and weighing it up against the tape they had just heard, "I think that's the least of Starscream's worries right now…"  
Both Skywarp and Thundercracker stared blankly at the cassette player that had relayed Starscream's message.  
Skywarp had a sobering thought, "we won't get the blame, will we?"  
Thundercracker sighed, "what do iyou/i think?"  
"Frag."


End file.
